Almost a Diary Entry: Am I DOING this right?

Recently, I felt like I needed to take a break from “sharing my walk with God.” As I sat one day and did some introspection, I realized that I’m quick to share a revelation of the scripture, but I don’t as quickly follow up with action. I tend to identify the problem and the solution, but I don’t always put the solution into practice right away.

Many of my posts are adapted from real life situations that I am presently encountering. So, as I reviewed the Kingdom Konversation Live discussing “Too Smart for Your Own Good” and forgiveness, I felt bad because I realized that I’ve only done some of what I shared. I identified the solution but the whole issue hasn’t been resolved, at least not in my eyes.

I started to just suspend the blog for a while until I got myself together. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think I’m a hypocrite, but I do think my eagerness to share sometimes interferes with me taking my own advice. If my wisdom from God is hot off the press, I have to make sure I’m implementing it before I hop on and start typing.

My Challenge

I’ve been told several times that I am “Wise beyond my years”. That sounds great until you start sharing wisdom and solutions about situations you’ve yet to work through in your own life. I like being able to help others and I honor the gift God has given me, but sometimes it’s challenging. I may know a thing or two, but it doesn’t excuse me from the work we all have to do.

So in light of those thoughts and feelings, I took to the scriptures and found new insight in familiar place to help me walk this one out. I’ve studied James 1 before, regarding being slow to speak when angry, but as I revisited that scripture again, I found that perhaps I need to be slow to speak, (or write), not just in moments of anger.

This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger;… But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was. But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does.

James 1:19,22-25 NASB

My Biggest Concern

I want to make sure I am a doer of the word. I don’t want to forget that the foundation of this blog is my walk with God, which includes learning to be more like Him. This isn’t just content for people to read and enjoy, this is me studying to show myself approved and sharing it with others. This blog may not be a pulpit, but it is a platform and I want to do right by those who subscribe and follow my life in this way. I know we all have to make our own decisions and be accountable for them, but I just want to be the best influence I can. Therefore, the expectation of fruit.

 Living and Leading

Leading or having influence is so much easier when it comes from a place of action and not just knowledge. It’s not good enough to know the rules or principles and enforce them, you should to be abiding by them, too. At a previous job, I helped my clients with financial management and creating budgets. At that time in my life, unbeknownst to them, I was in over my head financially, too. They didn’t know because I knew what to tell them, but when I got home, I didn’t know what to do. One day, I went to see a financial advisor as a resource to my clients and ended up being advised for my own finances. The financial advisor said to me, “You’ll be able to help your clients better if you have your own finances in order.” He was right. So often we prepare to lead and teach others and we fail to lead our own lives properly. So maybe this is for you, leader. Your life is the wealth of wisdom to pull from for the people who look to you for guidance. You can’t testify from a book you’ve read, but you can testify from your life, once you learn the lessons. (Then, maybe you could write a book.)

Don’t be so Hard on Yourself

After talking about this with a friend, I was told not to be so hard on myself. Sometimes I can only see what I’m not doing enough, but it’s important to be able to take a well rounded assessment of ourselves. I can now see the effort I have made toward using the wisdom God shares with me. And I can identify that part of the work is seeking a solution. What caught me off guard in the situation I mentioned in the beginning, is that the moment I identified what I needed to change, the situation itself changed and I didn’t end up having to do what I thought. I had finally trusted God enough to do what I feared, and the “mountain” was no longer there. Part of me felt that God honored the work I did between Him and I, but the other more critical part of me felt like I could have done more to initiate a conversation about my offense. This was just another lesson in our limited understanding of God’s ways. I thought the point of it all was to be bold enough to initiate a conversation with someone I thought wouldn’t receive it well. But as it turns out, the point was to seek God about it. Apparently, that’s always the point.

While James 1 talks about being a doer of the word, the metaphor of looking in the mirror also highlights the importance of us focusing on ourselves. Sometimes we try to manage all parties involved, when the simple and more beneficial thing for us to do is to judge ourselves by the word first and work on what doesn’t line up. In life, we’re never completely right and without fault, in any situation. We can always extend more compassion, pursue peace quicker and listen longer before we speak.

So in light of those thoughts and feelings, Kingdom Konversations with Kiana continues, hopefully, in a more effective and impactful way.

Be a doer of the word for the Kingdom,

Kiana