God just showed me how quickly character can be destroyed.
We just had an amazing Bible Study that ended with an intimate moment of worship. I’m known for getting lost in worship at the drop of a dime and it definitely happened tonight. Usually after those moments I’m a bit vulnerable and sensitive. When Bible Study was over, I had to take a friend home but I couldn’t find him. When I finally found him, he said he had forgotten that he had to ride with me, so he apologized. I said no problem, I was about to leave but then I saw his stuff in the car. So as we walk toward the car he apologized again and I said “Just stop! Drop it.” This attitude came out of no where and the hallway is silent. The car ride was very tense. Then I realized, it was my fault. So i ask him if he’s ok and then he reveals he was offended by how I shut down his apology in the hallway. My explanation was that after I have a moment with God I tend to be sensitive and I just didn’t need him to continue to apologize. I said I didn’t know why I responded so strongly but I’m working on it.
First, I cannot blame my rude remark on my sensitivity from a worship experience. If anything that should be the moment I express love in its purest form. Love is what I should be exuding after a moment like that. I think we get caught up in deep stuff and miss the simplicity of situations. No matter how deep you go in worship, you’re still human and you’re going to mess up. Don’t blame that on the holy spirit though because he did not prompt you to be rude or to ignore someone. He is the helper and he helps us make good choices even when we are vulnerable. We just have to be aware of the practical use of His voice and direction.
I told this story to say that we can talk and counsel people all day but we must be accountable for all moments. Your voice of reason could be discredited because of the way you responded to someone in “the heat of the moment”. Granted, you won’t always choose the right words or react perfectly for the given situation, however it’s important to clean up our mess and not put it on God when we misjudge. At the end of the day we don’t want to lose our credibility as ambassadors for Christ. It can happen so fast but it takes a while to recover if it is not handled correctly.
Yesterday I watched the movie Holy Ghost which is a documentary of some guys going around the world and being used to expose people to the power of the Holy Spirit. There’s a part where they go to India and one of the guys sings about Jesus and plays the guitar. Most of the people didn’t understand what he was singing (language barrier), but they felt something in their hearts, they started to smile. The missionary then explained to them that they were experiencing the Holy Spirit. I reflected on that moment and it took me back. When I was younger, I would lead songs in the choir. Once I remember my mom telling me that when I sing, she felt something good and she couldn’t really find the words to describe it. I just thought the feeling was her being a proud mother. Now that I think about it, she probably was feeling the presence of God. As a young girl, my worship was pure. I loved God as much as I knew how to and I loved to give my gift to him (sing).
Although I remained in church throughout my teenage and young adult years, I have done some things that have tainted my purity. I’ve had sex with several guys who weren’t my husband. I’ve gone places where God is not glorified. I’ve said and done many things that did not represent God. I continued to sing through my sin and by the mercy of God alone I lived through that part of my life.
One day God changed me. I had the power to leave those things that brought shame to my relationship with God. And guess what? When I lead praise and worship almost a year ago, someone told me my worship was pure and that I shouldn’t lose it. I’ve been through a lot and the journey of restored purity has not been easy but it’s worth fighting for and it’s available to you.
I encourage you to pray this prayer:
God I thank you for restoring my purity. Thank you for taking away my shame and guilt when you died on the cross. I am no longer bound by the life I once lived, no matter how long I lived it. I ask that you remove all things that taint my purity and connection with you and that you fill me with your Holy Spirit. Fill every void that may try to appear because of this new life. I will be satisfied and experience joy because of my restored purity. Thank you so much God for giving me the power to live holy and please you! In Jesus’ Name I pray, Amen.