No Holding Back

One of the hardest things to do is be completely and truly unconditional in action. More specifically, being able to give and do for a person without receiving any reciprocation. It’s not uncommon to see a man give and do for a woman he intends to be with, but in his mind he’s expecting something in return at some point. In fact, all of that is done in order to elicit a response from her; for her to feel that he is worth her time and emotional effort. It is most likely that he will not continue to do these things if she doesn’t give an indication that she plans to give anything in return, be it material or emotional. Many people will draw the conclusion that all of what he did is now a waste of time and money since he didn’t get out of it what he was expecting, but I believe I have an opposing argument. All of his efforts should not be considered useless just because he did not get out what he was expecting if his actions were connected to the true sentiment of his heart, which was a genuine interest in the woman. Many take an approach to love that says “My actions are contingent upon the reactions I receive” or “Whatever you do to me, I will do that or even less in return” because in our mind it has to be ‘even’. People don’t always verbalize this perspective but its exhibited in one way or another.

What’s wrong with giving more? What is it that makes us feel “cheated” for giving more to someone than they give us? Of course the answer has to do with our human nature and natural propensity to think of our own feelings as most important. I’ve heard it called self preservation. However, in my quest to understand God’s heart, I’ve been faced with the hard lesson of learning to love unconditionally. This is undoubtedly the most vulnerable place to be emotionally. The common misconception is that being unconditional has to do with accepting a person as who they are. While that is a part of the definition there is so much more. The aspect of unconditional that I’ve become acquainted with lately has been continuing to give 100% even without reciprocation and not regretting it. I never thought I would have to admit to myself that I love someone who I wasn’t sure felt the same way. But when it comes down to it, I can’t deny the truth just because I am unsure of the other party’s sentiments. The reality is that God loved and loves us before we did things that please Him. He loves us all before we confess that we love Him and He doesn’t withhold his confession or acts of love from us until we turn to Him. In fact He goes to great lengths to show us how much He loves us. The epitome of unconditional is when you don’t allow the conditions of the relationship to determine how you express your true feelings. What I have come to understand is that it is pointless to hold back. God has pushed me past the place of contingent love, which I’m sure will come in handy when I get married. Love can be sweet but it can also hurt. A time will come when it’s difficult to love your spouse but since you’ve made a vow before God you cannot choose when you will or will not exhibit your love for them.

Love with no regrets. 

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