Just Can’t Tell it All

This morning I visited a church that I’ve been to many times but haven’t gone to on Sunday. First of all it was so refreshing to be in the House of the Lord again. (It’s been a couple weeks since I have been to church due to traveling for the holidays.) But on another note, the Pastor open the floor for testimonies. As soon as he gave an invitation to speak I immediately got nervous and thought that he was speaking directly to me. For some reason I always have felt compelled when the leader of service invites people to sing, testify, join the church, etc. With that being the case I just told myself “I don’t need to go up there, besides what would I say. Is my testimony even appropriate?” Then I thought about it, I don’t think God would allow anything to happen to me that wouldn’t be appropriate to share with His people. Although some people feel there are certain things that shouldn’t be said in church, I’m beginning to feel like someone needs to know that their situation will be ok and it may take hearing about what God has done for me. I don’t think that my situation is unique but I know that many people are embarrassed of their past and therefore to do not share it. But reflecting on a thought I’ve had before, I’ve been really thinking about us giving ourselves as a living sacrifice to God. In doing that, we have to be ready for whatever God takes us through, then after or during it we also have to be ready to testify. So here goes nothing….

It all started after my boyfriend and I broke up. In the beginning I thought I was ok but then I began to realize that I was very lonely. I had been with him for a year and a half and we were ALWAYS together. So not only did we break up but he had moved to another state right before. I felt like I was alone. Then I began seeking attention. I really just wanted a guy to have around. I knew I didn’t want a boyfriend because my feelings were still attached to my ex. I thought I wanted a “no strings attached” type relationship and I got one. Quickly I realized that I didn’t like the feeling of being a booty call and it wasn’t satisfying my need. Unfortunately, It happened again and I found myself going from guy to guy searching for someone to hang out with, someone to keep me company. I learned that hanging out consisted of sex, but I felt like it came with the territory so I continued. I had people telling me I didn’t deserve what I was putting myself through but I kept justifying it and thinking that it wasn’t that bad. Then I met one particular guy that I thought actually liked me. He told me that he would consider having a relationship with me but he had a girlfriend at the time. Soon after he actually told me that they broke up. I believed him and that was the gateway for us to have sex. Not much later I found out that he fixed things with his girlfriend but he wanted to keep seeing me. I had enough dignity to tell myself I couldn’t continue to mess around with him. From that day I decided to be celibate. I made it 2 months before someone else came along. This person I had known for a while and it was through a guy that I was involed with before, which was shameful in itself. Months later I found out that I had contracted an STI. I was treated for it. But in the midst I passed it to someone else. Needless to say that person was very upset so he stopped talking to me. A few days later I wasn’t feeling to good. I was tested for other infections and they told me I was fine. I know it didn’t feel fine but I truly believe God healed my body from whatever it was.

Fast forward to now, I have a boyfriend who knows everything that happened before him and he loves me as if I am a virgin. He was able to look past all of that stuff and he even feels like I’m his soul mate. God has blessed me to call this guy my best friend as well as my boyfriend and there isn’t anything I cant tell him. We have been celibate since July and we plan to be until we get married, if it is God’s will. As 2012 ends I can say that I’m not in the place I was in a year ago mentally, emotionally and spiritually and I have God to thank for that. Although I couldn’t understand why I was going through all that I continued to pray, go to church and trust that God had a plan and something better for me.

So in closing I encourage you to share your testimony when you get the opportunity. You never know what the next person is going through and your deliverance may be confirmation that they can make it too. All of our trials are strengthening for our relationship with God and through them we learn just how awesome and able our God is.

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